Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Celebrating -30 kg weight loss!

~ p r o g r e s s . u p d a t e ~
I am now 3 months and 8 days out of surgery and this is my physical change so far.
The image from January is pretty much the same that I looked in February when I had my Gastric Bypass surgery.


My mind ghosts are telling me I still look as the January picture. But when you're able to slip into clothes that haven't fit for 14 years and when you don't really recognize yourself in the mirror anymore, something definitely changed.
So much have changed in my body that my brain hasn't fully tagged along with this whole process!

Start/Highest weight: 
120 kg (264.55 lbs)

Current weight: 
89.3 kg (196.87 lbs)

Goal weight: 
70 kg (154.32 lbs)


When I'm about to look into the mirror I expect to see the face from January picture. But instead, I see a thinner, stranger version of myself - which always leaves me to react when I see my own reflection even if it's on accident like walking by. 
I realized how mean I've been to myself for thinking "pig", "ugh!", or something else that's totally demeaning to myself leaving me to mentally bullying myself for YEARS. 
And the reason is because other's made me think I wasn't okej so therefore I started to believe it myself...

Now I've lost -30 kg (-66.14 lbs) and I can honestly say I cried the morning I stood on the scale and it told me I was back to 89 kg (196.21 lbs), a number I haven't seen since 2012 when I was starving my body and having extremely ill thoughts of myself!
But this time I looked at myself and thought "Wow! This is fantastic, look at me!".
I can't remember a time I haven't hated myself.
I have never been able to look into the mirror and TRULY believe that I am okej. To be okej as me. 
And even from a young age, I hated the idea of walking near a mirror, even just to put on makeup as a teenager and for more than 15 years I've tried avoiding mirrors as best I can. Because I've been so filled with hate and thoughts like "why was I born with this ugly face?" and "I just wish I was someone else" - which also could be a very typical teenage girl thing but I actually meant every word 'til this day where my life's changed around so dramatically. 

Gastric Bypass explained in image

I am so thankful for my surgery because I learned so much about myself along with it. To find and love myself again, and yeah I have a long way to go still.
I do not recommend surgery to fix a problem, but it helped me focus my thoughts of myself and do some soul searching too in this journey. 
Now I want to live MY LIFE and not be afraid of how the world perceives me, but to actually live it and try enjoying it because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. 

So now when I've lost -30 kg I wanna celebrate but I am not sure how yet. 
And because I just moved to the new apartment, my bank account is quite low at the moment!
- if you have any suggestions how to celebrate this milestone, please drop me a suggestion comment 

Now I will end this post by saying a few encouraging words:
You have one body, try to treat it well 'cus friends (and sometimes even family), will come and go from your life. But your body will remain, and you can take it anywhere.
Be kind to yourself, even if nobody else is - it just shows how low of a character they have.
Don't do the mistake like I did, to spend 15 years hating yourself because now I can never have those years back, and try enjoy life around you or find something/someone to live for if not for yourself. I can guarantee that making others happy will boost yourself too along the way. 

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